


The Safe House

by aworldofmyimagination



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie), Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie) Spoilers, F/M, Fix-It, this is basically a Clintasha AU of the whole farmhouse thing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-09
Updated: 2015-05-09
Packaged: 2018-03-29 16:26:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,421
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3902995
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aworldofmyimagination/pseuds/aworldofmyimagination
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What if Clint had taken the team to a different safe house?</p>
<p>No one was expecting pizza-snatching dogs, suburban moms, and old friends to show up on the pit stop in the middle of the war against Ultron, but that's what they got.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Safe House

It was loud in the plane as the team flew over the ocean.

 

“Where are we going?”

 

“A safe house,” Clint said. “Or, well, I’m pretty sure we are. 90 percent sure. Maybe 87. Is it a good idea? Maybe it’s not. I’m down to 54 percent now.”

 

Natasha said something in Russian and Clint responded in kind. The team looked between the pair as they spoke back and forth. Finally, Natasha returned to English.

 

“We’re going to a safe house,” she agreed.

 

-

 

The plane landed in a massive underground bunker stocked with piles of gear.

 

“Fury had Clint move a lot of SHIELD tech here when he started thinking something was up. He wanted to have a backup defense in case the worst happened,” Natasha explained. “There’s a tunnel that heads back to the main town.”

 

“Does anyone else think something suspicious is going on?” Tony’s voice echoed in the tunnel. “Barton has his suspicious face on.”

 

Natasha ignored him. “Clint, you made sure-”

 

“Of course I did - I’m insulted you even need to ask!”

 

“Last time you put Lucky in charge. Lucky.”

 

“Lucky is a very responsible babysitter. I taught him how to order pizza so they won’t starve and he chases off anyone who comes to the door. Besides, I thought Fury just wanted me in for a few hours last time. I figured they could handle a late night pizza party.”

 

“Clint, if you’re defending Lucky because you left him in charge again…”

 

“Don’t worry, don’t worry. I called in reinforcements this time since I knew we might both be gone for a while.”

 

The team reached a ladder leading up to a steel trap door. Natasha climbed up to press her hand to a scanner for a moment. The scanner beeped and the door popped open.

 

“Uncle Phil, Pizza Dog got the pizza off the counter!” a boy cried.

 

“Lucky, drop it,” a stern voice was followed by a bark. “Good boy, Lucky. Miles, have you seen-”

 

“I saw you put the pizza back in the box,” a girl sounded annoyed. “I’m not eating pizza that Lucky slobbered all over - I’m going to put the rest in his bowl.”

 

“Wait, I want one more piece,” the boy said.

 

“Even though Lucky had it in his mouth? Okay…”

 

“No one is eating Pizza Dog’s food,” Natasha scrambled up to the kitchen. The rest of the team was close behind. “Miles, give it to Lucky.”

 

“Mom!” the dark-skinned boy exclaimed. While he was distracted, a brown dog grabbed the slice out of his hand. “You’re back!”

 

“And you’re not in school,” Natasha tried to be stern as she wrapped the young boy in a hug.

 

“Uncle Phil said Kate and I could skip since there’s a Supernanny marathon on.”

 

“Sorry,” a suited man grinned bashfully.

 

“Son of Coul!” Thor’s booming voice filled the kitchen. “You are alive!”

 

“Hi everyone,” Coulson waved awkwardly and turned his gaze to Natasha. “I didn’t know you were having visitors. I'm technically still classified.”

 

“We didn't plan on it. Have you seen the news?” Clint asked, ruffling Miles’ short hair. “We had a green situation and Stark created a death bot.”

 

“Is no one else weirded out by all this? ” Tony chimed in. “Because I sure am. I mean, Coulson is alive for one. Natasha and Clint have a garage full of SHIELD tech. Not to mention there are mini agents living here. Glad to see you alive, Coulson, but I have to ask - how?”

 

“It’s a long story. I mean, a really long story. I’ll catch you up sometime. Right now, I need to head out - emergency in the lab with FitzSimmons.”

 

“Thanks for watching them,” Natasha walked him over to the opening in the floor. “Tell everyone hello from us.”

 

“Kate, c’mere!” Clint called. “Say hello to the team!”

 

A pale, black-haired girl in jeans and a purple shirt popped her gum as she walked into the kitchen. “Mom, Dad,” she grinned. “Have a nice trip?”

 

“There were few more guns than we'd like, but we got a good snowball fight in before it all went to hell.”

 

“I’m going to speak for Steve when I say language! And in front of the children!”

 

Clint rolled his eyes. “Kate, Miles, these are the Avengers. You know Uncle Steve, then there’s Uncle Thor, Uncle Tony, and Uncle Bruce. Don’t listen to anything Uncle Tony tells you, it’ll probably end badly. Avengers, this middle school munchkin is Miles and the too-cool-for-tenth-grader is Kate.”

 

“I’m going to assume this is all some deep witness protection situation gone wrong and try my best to not imagine you and Romanoff being parents.” Tony declared. “The kids must be secret agents - you two look young for your ages, by the way - and you’ve been brainwashed into living in the middle of the nowhere.”

 

“It’s actually the suburbs,” Natasha said.

 

“You have created splendid offspring!” Thor boomed.

 

“Somehow, I don’t think they’re blood related,” Tony countered.

 

“Family is about more than blood,” Kate popped her gum again. “Adoption is the new big thing, didn’t you hear?”

 

“My brother was adopted! It is a noble way of gaining a family,” Thor was excited for a moment, then slumped. He looked up at Clint and narrowed his eyes. “You treat them well.”

 

“Miles, Kate - why don’t you go put new sheets on all the beds,” Clint suggested. He paused, then whispered something to the pair. The two grinned and darted off.

 

“Fury helped set all this up,” Natasha explained. “There was a player a few years back attacking the families of kids with powers. Clint and I weren't exactly planning on kids, but those two and Peter - he's at NYU now - needed somewhere safe to go. Fast-forward eight years and here we are.”

 

“I’m trying to not be offended that ‘Uncle Steve’ knew about this and didn’t say anything,” Tony pouted. “In fact, I’m offended that you and Barton didn’t decide to share either.”

 

“We keep it on the down low,” Clint said. “We still haven’t found whoever attacked their families. We want to keep them as anonymous as possible just in case.”

 

The phone began to ring so Clint walked over to check it, grabbing a beer out of the fridge as he went. “It’s Cindy,” his eyes were wide.

 

“Let it go to voicemail,” Natasha whispered back. “And throw me a beer.”

 

“Who’s Cindy?” Bruce asked.

 

“Is she that woman-” Steve began.

 

“Yes,” Natasha and Clint said in unison.

 

“Hi! You’ve reached Miles, Kate, Natalie, and Clint Barton! Leave a message and we’ll get back to you soon,” the voicemail chorused, followed by a long beep.

 

“Hi there, Natalie! I noticed that Miles and Kate weren’t at drop off today and none of you were at church yesterday morning. Is everything alright? By the way, did you hear what happened with the Traceys? We need to set up a time to go to lunch and I’ll tell you all about it. Bye now!”

 

“She doesn’t seem so bad,” Bruce sounded confused.

 

“She is,” Steve insisted. “I watched Miles and Kate for a week and didn’t listen to Nat when she said to watch a VeggieTales episode instead of church. She dragged her entire family to come sit by us and talked through the whole thing. Afterwards, she made us stay for the social and grilled me on why I was watching Miles and Kate and where Nat and Clint were. And then she made me to volunteer as a yard duty at the elementary school.”

 

“Did you have to wear the orange vest? Please tell me someone got pictures of this,” Tony looked around expectantly.

 

Natasha slid over her phone with a picture of Steve in the garish vest holding a toy version of Thor’s hammer. He was surrounded by a group of kids wearing Avengers shirts.

 

“You make a very good me,” Thor thundered when he saw the picture.

 

“Stacey wanted to be Captain America,” Steve explained.

 

The doorbell rang and the team froze.

 

“Don’t answer it,” Natasha hissed as Tony walked towards the door. “I mean it, Stark, don’t take another step.”

 

“Natalie? Natalie, I know you’re in there, it’s me, Cindy!”

 

Tony grinned and reached out his hand. Steve tackled the man to the floor and the pair crashed into a table, sending all the papers flying.

 

“Is everyone okay in there? Hello?”

 

Natasha sighed and plastered on a fake smile.

 

“Cindy, it’s so good to see you!” she gushed as she opened the door. “Do you mind if I stop by your house later? It’s not really a good time.”

 

A tall blonde woman with a dress far too tight for her age pushed inside. She gasped at the sight of Tony and Steve wrestling on the floor.

 

Natasha cut in before Cindy could say anything. “Cindy, meet the family! The idiot with the fancy beard and the nervous looking guy in the kitchen are my brothers. I’m the baby of the family. The two blondes are Clint’s, but you already met Steve. We were out of town for a bit and we’re heading to Disney World in a couple days, so we all just made a pit stop here.”

 

“Hello,” Cindy said weakly. “I brought cookies.”

 

“A fine treat!” Thor took the offered basket and dug in. “Thank you, Lady Cindy.”

 

The woman nodded. “No sisters?” she asked Natasha.

 

“Not a one. They’re all big softies when you get to know them though. I’ll call you later, okay?”

 

She nodded again but snapped out of it three steps from the door. “I need to tell you about the Traceys! Mr. Tracey-”

 

“Later,” Natasha insisted again and pushed her out the door.

 

“Was that Mrs. Clecs?” Miles thundered down the stairs. “Is Harley with her?”

 

“Harley’s in school - where you should be, in case you forgot. He can come over later today for a couple hours if you finish all your chores.”

 

Miles fist pumped the air and darted off again.

 

Lucky whined from the floor.

 

“Don’t worry, Pizza Dog, we haven’t forgotten about you.” Clint kneeled down to let Lucky lick his face.

 

“Miles and I put sheets on. We figured Uncle Bruce could take Miles’ room, Uncle Thor could be in mine, and Uncle Tony can be in Mom and Dad's. Uncle Steve could be in the guest since that's where he always stays. Miles and I can take the sectional in the loft and Mom and Dad can take the couch down here.”

 

“There is no way I’m sleeping in Barton and Romanoff’s room,” Tony shuddered.

 

“The guest has a king sized bed or you can take the couch. You would have to be okay with Lucky licking you all night though.”

 

Tony frowned at the exuberant dog. “Cap, you’ve got a bunk buddy. Don’t worry, I’ll build a pillow wall so I don’t have to listen to you snore.”

 

“I’ll take the couch, if that’s alright with you two,” Steve patted Lucky.

 

“Harley is coming over now - Mrs. Clecs is at the Smith’s house, so he’s walking.”

 

“Does he have sunscreen? I can pick him up,” Natasha offered.

 

“I’ll text him and see,” Miles typed away on his phone. “He said no and that would be awesome.”

 

“I’ll be back in a few minutes,” the woman disappeared out a side door in the kitchen, Miles right behind her.

 

“We have three showers,” Clint offered. “One off the guest room, one in the master, and one in the jack and jill between Miles and Kate’s rooms. Miles can grab you towels, he should be folding laundry right now. Anything else - razors, clothes, you name it - should be in the closet outside the guest room.”

 

“I call dibs on the guest room,” Tony raced up the stairs, only to reappear at the top a few moments later. “What’s this?” He held out a bright red Iron Man beach towel.

 

Clint fought to keep a straight face. “A towel.”

 

Tony narrowed his eyes and returned downstairs with a pile of more towels. Bruce picked up a green Hulk one and Thor grinned at the massive towel with a picture of Mjolnir.

 

“We’re home!” Natasha called, followed by Miles and another young boy.

 

“Mr. Stark!” the kid grinned.

 

The dark haired man stared. “What are you doing here, kid?”

 

“My sister and I moved in with my Aunt Cindy last year,” he explained. “Thank you for the Potato Gun.”

 

“Wait, so you never got the Mark III and IV and V?” Tony despaired. “I was wondering why I never heard back from you. I thought you just didn’t think I was cool anymore. Another month and I was going to show up in full armor outside your door to remind you!”

 

“That would have been so cool!” His eyes were wide.

 

“It would have, but now it will never happen since you didn’t bother to tell me you moved.”

 

“My mom took my phone away - she said I was working on stuff in the garage too much.”

 

“Fine, I forgive you. I’ll make a Potato Gun Mark VI and a personalized Stark phone and have them to you by the end of the day - wait, Romanoff, do you have a secret lab somewhere around here? I’m assuming not. Give me a week, then, with a possible extension for any apocalyptic events.”

 

“Thank you, Mr. Stark,” Harley bounced.

 

“Yeah, yeah. Go play your video games or whatever.”

 

“I had no clue you knew a kid, Mr. Stark,” Clint smirked. “I thought you stuck to a twenty-one and up crowd.”

 

“I camped out in his garage during the whole Mandarin thing. Thanks a lot for looking for me when everyone thought I was dead, by the way. I teared up listening to the voicemails bawling over how much you all loved me and how you regret all the insults.”

 

“We were on a camping trip for scouts. No service,” Natasha shrugged. “Besides, it would take more than a house explosion to take you out.”

 

“I was fighting alongside the mighty armies of the nine realms,” Thor apologized. “I regret not being here to aid in your adventure. It sounds as though it was grand and full of young warriors!”

 

“I was at a biotechnical convention,” Bruce added in his defense.

 

“I called you at least a dozen times,” Steve frowned. “I didn’t see the news until a couple days after it happened. I had some super flu and stayed in bed all week. I was going to go after you as soon as I found out, but then Nat called and said you were alive and fine and asked me to come watch Kate and Miles.”

 

“So basically, Steve is the only one who even tried to help, and even he was distracted by munchkins,” Tony summarized. “I’m wounded. I’m going to go build suits for Harley and Miles and Kate so they can marvel at my thoughtfulness and genius.”

 

“Maybe you should take a shower first,” Bruce suggested. “Does anyone mind if I take the jack and jill?”

 

“Go ahead,” Steve said. “Thor, did you want the master shower and I can go after?”

 

“Thank you, friend,” the blond-haired man nodded.

 

“Use Mom’s brush if you need one,” Kate came back into the room and grabbed a soda out of the fridge. “I don’t need gold hair in mine.”

 

Thor nodded solemnly and followed Tony and Bruce up the stairs.

 

“So what’s the deal with the killer robot on TV?” Kate asked casually. “Because, you know, I’m getting pretty good with a bow and arrow.”

 

“You’re not coming,” Clint said solidly. “Just because you have superpowers doesn’t mean you need to be a superhero - at least not yet.”

 

“Isn’t that exactly what it means? With great power comes great responsibility or whatever Peter always goes on about?”

 

“Your dad is right,” Natasha cut in. “You’re in high school. Read books and go to parties and walk Lucky. The reason we fight so hard to save the world is so you and Miles don’t have to. We’d stop Peter too, if he was here all year, but he’s in college. The worst we can do is cut him off, and we don’t want him quitting to become a full time hero. We’re proud of him, but our main priority is keeping you kids safe.”

 

“But I want to keep you safe,” Kate insisted. “The more of us there are, the safer everyone is.”

 

“Thank you for wanting to protect us,” Clint swung an arm around her shoulder. “But we’ve got it covered. I promise.” He locked eyes with Natasha for a moment, who nodded slightly. “Tell you what - we need a base of operations, someone to listen in on the comms and help us coordinate. What do you say? Are you up for the job?”

 

Kate nodded eagerly.

 

“Atta girl! Come on, I’ll show you how to operate everything at the base.” Clint and Kate left out the trap door.

 

Natasha slid Steve a lemonade and grabbed one herself.

 

“Maybe you or Clint should stay back from the fight,” Steve suggested hesitantly. “If things don’t go our way…”

 

“Then you’ll take over for us,” she cut in. “Or if you can’t, then Phil or Peter - though we want him to focus on college. We've also got Bruce or Tony or Fitz and Simmons, or Fury, the list goes on. We’ll fight like hell to get back to them, but they’ll be in good hands if something happens. We’re giving you and Peter and Phil discretion over who’s best for the job if none of you can do it.”

 

“You and Clint are best for the job though,” Steve insisted.

 

“Maybe. But we’re not leaving you to fight Ultron alone. We’ll fight together and lose together if it comes to that, right? Either way, we'll know we did our best to protect the world. Clint and I might not have superpowers like the rest of you, but we’re in this for better or worse. Get it through your head.”

 

Steve didn’t speak for a long few moments. “Sorry. You’re right.”

 

“I usually am,” Natasha grinned. “Now, no more talk of murder bots for now. I’ll send Clint to pick up a pizza and we can pile everyone in the living room to watch movies.”

 

“I’ve been in the future for nearly five years and I still haven’t seen...Star Wars, I think it’s called? People keep telling me I need to watch it.”

 

“Stop calling it the future, Cap,” Tony came down the stairs in a bright red Iron Man shirt. “Also, I appreciate the fitting clothes and whatever, but couldn’t you have picked out an accurate shirt? This drawing has the proportions of the thrusters to the boot size completely off. I’ll have to contact the design companies and give them accurate sketches to work with. Cap, I’m recruiting you as official Avengers artist. Make sure you get the details right.”

 

“Once we save the world, I’ll get right on it.”

 

“Also, I’m frankly disturbed by the adult underwear with our faces on it, so I might see what I can do about pulling those designs and sticking to shields and armor and all that instead. Do you think I have time to call my lawyer? I’m going to give it a shot. Ooh, and I need to check out the stash in the warehouse too. I’ll be back later.”

 

“Do you want the next shower?” Steve offered after Tony left.

 

“No, go ahead. I need to make sure Clint and Kate and Stark don’t come up with anything too destructive down there.”

 

Steve leaned his shield against the counter and made his way up the stairs.

 

The red haired woman took another swig out of her bottle. A messy drawing of the Avengers with Miles, Kate, and Peter caught her eye. Miles had drawn it back in fourth grade. Natasha unburied it from the other papers to stick it back on top. She looked at it for a moment more, then smiled. Maybe, just maybe, they could beat Ultron. Then she'd see about that trip to Disney World she had promised Clint and the kids. Who knew - maybe they could bring along the team as a victory vacation. An image of Tony, Clint, and Kate seeing who could ride Tower of Terror the most times in a row came to mind. She made her way through the tunnel to the warehouse, smirking all the way.

**Author's Note:**

> I was bummed when I realized Clint and Natasha were a no-go in AOU, which makes no sense (CATWS arrow necklace anyone?) but oh well. I thought it was sweet how they kept them being best friends at least. This was just a quick wish-fulfillment one-shot, but I had a lot of fun with it. Now I'm imagining Kate and Miles and Peter forming their own secret Avengers team and hoping Nat and Clint don't notice (which they totally do and convince different agents to tail the team to make sure they don't get hurt.)


End file.
